Hoping, Praying

I weep

On the bus.

Silently

In my head.

I feel

     No

          Pain,

               Just

                    Sadness.

I sit

Quietly,

Eyes skimming

Over words

That make little

Sense.

They deepen my

Sadness.

Make it hurt

More.

Without doing

     Anything

          At

             All.

I stare,

Then put the book away

And leave my friends.

As I walk

Home.

I walk

Towards the street.

The cars stop.

Wait for me to cross.

I don’t.

I don’t want them

To watch me sulk

As I make my way

     Across

          The

               Street.

Instead

I turn

And walk down

The sidewalk,

     Hoping,

          Praying

That I am invisible.

I walk into my house

And put on a façade.

     Hoping,

          Praying

That I look happy,

Even though I don’t feel it.

My mom

Worries

A lot.

I don’t want to worry her more

With my nonexistent

     Fears

          And

               Sadness

That mean nothing

To anyone,

Including myself.

I smile

When I see her.

She smiles back.

     How was your day?

She asks me.

I shrug

And reply.

     It was good.

I turn and walk

To my room,

     Hoping,

          Praying

I can be alone.

I don’t mean to feel sad.

I don’t mean to hate myself.

But I do.

And I hate it.